This guide is part of a series aimed at helping families in which parents are separated or divorcing and who share parenting responsibilities for children. We will use the terms divorce and separation interchangeably to describe parents who are separated from each other.
In 1998, the Missouri General Assembly enacted legislation requiring that a parenting plan be included in any custody order. As a result, divorcing parents with children under the age of 18 must file a proposed parenting plan with the court as a part of the divorce process.
The plan can be filed separately by each parent, or as a joint agreement between the parents. In either case, the court reviews the plan and incorporates it as part of the custody and support order based on the best interest of the child. Parenting plans must be filed within 30 days of receiving the summons or filing an entry of appearance, whichever happens first.
A parenting plan must always be in the best interest of the child, describe how the parents contribute to the care and well-being of the child and provide detailed information in four areas:
- Custody and parenting time
- Decision-making rights and responsibilities
- Dispute resolution
- Expenses of the children
A parenting plan might also be part of the motion to modify an existing custody or support order.
Because a parenting plan shapes future parental and parent-child relationships, parents should be actively involved in developing one. Research suggests that when the parents can work together to develop the parenting plan, it is much easier to implement and works more effectively. If they cooperate, parents can be supportive of each other, share responsibilities and make decisions regarding their children’s care and well-being. This kind of teamwork has been linked to better outcomes for children, including fewer emotional and behavior problems, improved relationships with peers, and more positive social behaviors.
The parenting plan
Parents know best about what their children need as well as where their parenting strengths lie. The parenting plan should be based on both parents’ strengths in meeting the child’s needs. This guide discusses terms and issues that should be considered to draft a specific and helpful parenting plan. The information follows the same form as the Missouri Parenting Plan Guidelines.
Custody and parenting time
Physical custody refers to the living or residential arrangements of the child and how their time is shared between parents. When a parent has custody of the child, the child lives with that parent. The custodial parent has the responsibilities of day-to-day care, supervision and decision-making for the child. When an emergency decision-making situation occurs such as a medical emergency, the other parent should seek appropriate care and notify the other parent as soon as reasonably possible.
A parent might have sole physical custody in which the child lives and spends the majority of time with one parent. In joint physical custody arrangements, the child lives with and spends significant — though not necessarily equal — amounts of time with both parents.
Considerations
In traditional joint physical custody agreements, the child divides time between both parents’ households. Bird’s nest custody is an arrangement where the children remain in the home and the parents alternate living with the children. Joint custody works best when both parents live in the same community or neighborhood, have available transportation, space for their children to live in their homes, and enough money to pay for it. When parents are geographically separated, the child might have a primary residence during the week and school year and then visit the other parent on weekends, holidays and summer vacations.
The parenting plan also indicates when and where the exchange of the child is made between households. The parent might pick the child up at the appropriate time from day care, school or the other parent’s home and return them at the appropriate time — depending upon the arrangement. Research shows that the quality of co-parenting and the emotional climate of transitions between homes are more predictive of children’s adjustment and stress level than the sheer amount of time spent with each parent nor the number of transitions between homes. This suggests that the way exchanges are managed — especially maintaining a calm, respectful and supportive environment — has much greater impact even if parenting time isn’t equally shared.
Joint custody gives both parents substantial amounts of time with the child, aiming to support frequent and meaningful contact with both parents. The schedule is created by the parents’ specifications of how time is shared during the week, on weekends and holidays. These specifications are a part of the parenting plan form, and any deviation from the basic schedule needs to be presented to the court for approval.
Time can be divided based on many possible combinations or choices. For example, combinations that might give an equal amount of time are alternate weekends, one night a week, and all summer, or alternating three- and four-day stays. A more typical schedule would be alternate weekends, alternate holidays and one night a week. This combination would give both parents weekly contact with the child.
Regardless of how time is allocated, all family members should have a copy of the schedule that includes dates and times. For young children, this might be a color-coded calendar; for older children and adolescents, a regular calendar might suffice. Knowing the schedule helps children be prepared to go between houses and eliminates the need to question parents about the schedule.
Decision-making rights and responsibilities
Legal decision-making, formerly known as legal custody, refers to the legal right and responsibility to make important decisions about a child’s life. This includes choices about their health care, education, religious upbringing, and general welfare. It means the parent or parents have the authority to decide what is best for the child in these areas, especially in non-emergency situations.
Sole legal custody gives one parent the responsibility for making significant legal decisions. The other parent might be permitted to make certain legal decisions, if specified by the parenting plan. In joint legal custody situations, both parents share the responsibility of making decisions about the child. This is presumed by courts to be in the best interests of the child unless there are extenuating circumstances, and parents are encouraged to cooperate
Considerations
Whether parents decide to have sole or joint legal custody, any major decisions regarding the child’s health, education or welfare are encouraged to be a shared decision by both parents. Decisions about child-care, basic education and college, religious affiliation and training, and special talents and corresponding lessons or camps should ideally be made with input from both parents and be adjusted over time to reflect the child's evolving needs. These decisions can affect the amount of time the child has to spend with parents, as well as the parents’ financial obligations.
Not only should both parents’ names be listed on any school or health records, but both parents should have access to any records relating to the child. Whenever possible, both parents should know about and be present at parent-teacher conferences; school, sporting and religious events; or any other activities in which the child is a participant. A parent’s presence is an important indicator of their love, concern and support of the child.
The parenting plan requires parents to designate who makes physical and mental healthcare decisions. These decisions include selecting healthcare providers, what care and treatment are given, and what medications are taken. If both parents do not make decisions jointly, a reason must be stated in the parenting plan. Each parent should have the capability to access medical attention for the child in emergency situations.
Dispute resolution (problem-solving)
If parents struggle to resolve disagreements about their child, they may consider using mediation. Mediation uses a neutral third party, who might be appointed by the court, to help parents make choices and decisions about their child. If there is a charge for the mediation services, the parenting plan designates how the service is paid for. You may be able to find the names and phone numbers of counselors and mediators in your area by contacting the circuit clerk’s office at your local courthouse.
Considerations
How parents handle conflict plays a big role in how well their child adjusts to divorce. Arguments in front of the child can be upsetting and confusing, so it’s best to avoid them whenever possible. But even more important is how parents solve their disagreements. If children see their parents working through problems calmly and respectfully, it teaches them healthy ways to handle conflict in their own lives. This helps children feel more secure and can lead to better emotional and social well-being.
Although the process and language used in a divorce proceeding is naturally adversarial, divorcing parents need to create an environment of cooperation with each other. This environment might include developing a method for sharing information and a process for negotiations. Negotiations could be handled by planning a meeting in a neutral location or a phone conversation with an agenda of only one or two issues. Parenting issues (discipline, time-sharing, etc.) and money issues should be discussed separately, at different times. Once the agenda is planned, it should be followed. Bringing up other issues can impede cooperation and might lead to arguments or conflict.
Children's expenses
It is the responsibility of both parents to provide financial support through child support. This includes the basic needs of food, shelter, clothing, education, routine medical care, extra-curricular activities and childcare. Terms of the child support agreement should be specific, not just a dollar amount. Child support is calculated using Form 14, which is available from a lawyer, online (Form 14), or through your local library or the court system.
Considerations
Although child support and custody are two separate agreements, there is some overlap. Decisions about legal and physical custody should be made before child support is calculated, because these decisions could affect the child support agreement. There might be additional expenses when the child pursues interests and develops special talents. Whenever possible, these additional expenses should be listed in the parenting plan. In terms of physical custody, the amount of support might be tied to the number of overnight stays in each house. Transportation costs between households might be a factor that needs to be taken into consideration.
There might be many options for payments of health insurance. The parent with the better coverage might make the payments, the payments could be divided equally between the parents, or one parent could make the payment. Who pays for services and prescriptions not covered by insurance copayments should be a part of the parenting plan.
Financial support might continue to be a point of disagreement long after the divorce is final. Some of the disagreements might be the result of not having a realistic idea of the costs of raising a child. Another issue that can be a problem is the payment of child support. Parents should make every effort to meet their financial obligations for their children in a timely manner. It’s important that both parents do their best to contribute financially and on time because this directly affects the child’s physical, cognitive, and socioemotional well-being.
The income that supported the family before the divorce needs to support two separate households after the divorce. To make ends meet, parents might need to work more hours, take an additional job or economize where possible. These changes can be stressful for everyone in the family. Research shows that women, in particular, often experience more financial hardship than men after a divorce. However, when custody is shared and children spend significant time with their fathers, it can create more flexibility for mothers to return to work or increase their hours. This can help improve women’s economic well-being and reduce some of the long-term financial strain after divorce.
Building in changes
Life and parenting hold many unforeseen circumstances. For example, disability, remarriage and the relocation of a parent require that the parenting plan be changed. The death of a parent might raise questions about the rights and responsibilities of the deceased parent’s family. Custody and support provisions by the surviving parent might be altered as a result of the other parent’s death.
Day-to-day circumstances might require some flexibility in the parenting plan to avoid going back to court. This might be accomplished by private agreements between parents. Private agreements can be worthwhile, but must be acceptable to both parents before being carried out. The following are examples of private agreements to accommodate special circumstances:
- When a parent needs to have a babysitter overnight, the other parent may be given the option to care for the children during that time. This arrangement must be agreed upon by both parties and included in the parenting plan. It would not affect the custody or child support agreements, but would be a means of spending extra time with the children while helping the other parent.
- As a child grows, so does the cost of caring for them. A cost of living clause might be included when the child is young to plan or allow for expenses (e.g., braces, glasses and college tuition) in addition to the increase in basic costs.
- Many authors of divorce guides for parents recommend an annual review of the parenting plan during the first years of implementation. Both parents should do this, preferably together, to identify provisions that should be maintained and provisions that might need to be changed.
The marital relationship ends when parents divorce, but the parental relationship continues. This relationship must be reorganized to fit the new roles and responsibilities of parenting apart. The parenting plan is a written, legal document that helps parents share the time, caregiving responsibilities and financial obligations of being a parent. The plan should have enough detail to be useful, yet enough flexibility to be realistic. The ultimate goal of a parenting plan is to provide the details that reflect the best interests of the child.
References
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