Grieving Takes Strength and Resolve

by Kris Jenkins,
Human Development Specialist
jenkinsr@missouri.edu

¿ You have permission to mourn.   Take time to face your grief. The pain will stay until you acknowledge it. Don't try to postpone your feelings by cramming each day with activity. The "If I am too busy to think, this will be easier." approach only compounds and delays the grief.

¿ You will experience a wide range of emotions, Grief doesn't follow an orderly process. Your reactions can include shock, numbness, anger, pain and yearning --all in the same day. Just when you get through one stage and progress to the next, something can trigger a new and painful reaction.

¿ With effort, you can and you must overcome grief. One of the myths about mourning is that there is an ending point and if you wait long enough, you suddenly stop hurting. But, overcoming grief requires work. It takes real effort to heal. Mourning is a natural and personal process that can't be rushed or happen without your participation.

¿ Find the strength to take action. As a newly widowed person, you've just suffered an emotionally devastating event and the last thing you want to deal with is money matters. But your future and your present does matter, so do the best you can or get someone to assist you with immediate, financial decisions.

¿ Tame your fears. The feeling that you're losing control is a normal part of grieving. If this temporary instability unnerves you, remember that you have the ability to cope! This is a time when your adjustment to widowhood takes place.

¿ Say good-bye in your own time. The present with all its pain is reality! While memories are important, they can't be used to ignore the present. At some point in your grieving, you will be ready to try to say good-bye.