Like many families, mine will soon gather around the dinner table to celebrate the holidays. This ritual reinforces shared family values and helps me feel that, as long as we are together, all is good in my world.

The truth is that all is not in order in my world, because there will be two empty chairs where my parents sat last year. As I look around the table, those two beloved and respected people will not be there. Not only will their chairs be empty, but so will our hearts. What shall we do? How can we celebrate without them? What should we say? How do we cope?

Grief recovery specialist, Rabbi Mel Grazer wrote in one of his newsletters, "Death is like a one-two punch: the first punch, he died. The second punch, he’s not coming back. That is often the harder punch to accept."

Beyond the grief is the reality that now my siblings and I are the "older" generation and that it’s up to us to continue to bind together and lead our family in the way that our parents would want.

Our family is not unique. Thousands of families will face empty chairs this year. And each will choose a different way to mourn and eventually to move on. It's what we must do; it's the cycle of life.

Clinical psychologist, Susan Dunn helps adults deal with grief. From her recent on-line article, I gathered a few ideas that might help you and me understand and deal with holiday grief.

1. When you grieve you have no energy. You just don’t deal with things well. Things that used to bother you, don’t anymore. Other things that never bothered you before can send you into a tailspin. Decisions, even small ones, are difficult and even the smallest chore takes so much effort. Planning a holiday celebration incorporates all the above!

2. You have to take care of yourself even if you don’t feel like it. When you grieve, your immune system struggles; so eat right, rest, share your grief and keep things simple.

3. You can cancel traditional holidays if you want. Do something to take your mind off your grief: take a trip, have the family gather in a different place or celebrate in an unusual way. Or, if it feels right, continue the same traditions and have a small, shared recognition of your loved one.

4. It might help you to help someone else – serve dinner through a charity, adopt a family, set-up a memorial event. Then again, it might not, but at least you’ll have filled some time.

As Dunn wrote, "Time does heal many people and it becomes less raw with time; however, if that time does come, it comes at its own pace. Be forgiving of yourself and others, and, well, have a holiday. Or don’t. One way or another that particular day will pass and you will have survived your first holiday without them."

I have found, "Time is seamless. It doesn't pause and it will go on without you."