Children cannot escape knowing about this tragedy. It is being talked about nonstop and is on nearly every TV and radio. Children may be scared and confused. Adults need to role model that it is okay to talk about and share feelings. Well-meaning adults may try to avoid the subject with children in an effort to protect them. However, all this will do is make children think it is unacceptable to talk about. Instead, we want to encourage children to ask questions and share their feelings. They will better cope with this event if they feel allowed to discuss it. The following are suggestions that may be helpful in addressing this issue:

• While it is important to encourage children to be open with their concerns and feelings, it also important to respect that they may want a break from talking about it. The fact that children continue to want to play and participate in their favorite activities can be reassuring to us all. Children should not be made to feel guilty for wanting to continue with their normal lives including having fun. This is healthy. In fact, it is important in times of crisis and tragedy to try and maintain as much normalcy as possible. Meal times and bed times and other daily routines that maintain their usual structure can help children feel secure. The key is to provide as much routine as possible while still allowing for flexibility to incorporate any extra needs and concerns your child is having. For example, a child may want to add praying for the victims to his/her bedtime routine. Or, extracurricular activities may be cancelled and a child may want to spend that time drawing pictures or writing letters about the event.
   
• Make sure children know you are approachable. Let them know that they can come to you with any questions or to talk about their feelings. Tell them that if you cannot answer their questions, you will look for answers together.
   
• Share your own feelings with children. This models for them that it is acceptable to share feelings. However, be careful not to overwhelm children. Children can benefit from hearing that you too are upset, sad, scared, and angry. However, it is important that children not be an adult's primary source of support. Find other adults to discuss your feelings with so that children are not overwhelmed with adults' fears and anxiety.
   
• Help children find creative outlets. Drawing, dancing, music and playing with puppets and dolls are all ways children can express themselves. It is often hard for children to verbalize their feelings. A creative approach might help them find an outlet that works.
   
• Children need reassurance. Be honest but reassuring. Explain to children what you are doing to keep them safe. Ask them what would help them to feel safe. Most importantly, remind children of how much you love them. Let them know that you will always love them.
   
• Children may be very concerned about others more directly involved. This concern should be encouraged. It is positive for children to show empathy. Children may want to take action. They may want to write letters or draw pictures expressing their concern. They may want to help organize a fundraiser. Let children be creative and support their efforts to be helpful.

• Remember that children have feelings beyond fear. They may feel angry and sad. It is important that children feel comfortable and encouraged to share all their feelings.

• This is also a good time to teach children about prejudice. Some children may feel scared to go to school or to even leave their homes. It is important for children to learn that it is not okay to blame a whole group of people for what one person or subgroup may have done.

For more information call our Warmline 1-800-552-8522.  

 

Last update: Friday, November 30, 2007

 

 

 

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