Jackson County

 

By Nina Chen, Ph.D.
Human Development Specialist

When parents are getting divorced, they are under stress and experience challenges and change in their lives. Studies show that children are also affected by divorce throughout their youth.

Children look at the world differently than adults. Their understanding about divorce depends on their age. Children at each stage have certain feelings and reactions to divorce. For instance, infants don't understand about divorce or separation, but they are aware of changes in their parents' responses to them. Toddlers understand that one parent no longer lives at home although they don't know the reason. They may express empathy toward others, such as a parent who is feeling sad.

How can parents help their infants and toddlers cope with divorce? It is important for parents to notice how children react to divorce and signs of stress in children. The possible reactions and signs for infants and toddlers include:

• Changes in eating, sleeping, napping, and other daily routines.
• Behavior changes such as quieter or withdrawn, fussier, more kicking, hitting, or biting, more difficulty with separation, etc.
• May have bowel problems such as diarrhea or constipation, or they may spit up more frequently.
• Infants may seem more fretful, fearful, or anxious.
• If a new adult moves into the home, older infants may be nervous and fearful. Toddlers may express anger toward the parent.
• Toddlers may return to baby-like behavior such as thumb sucking, or demanding to be fed by their parents.
• Older toddlers may have nightmares.

Things parents can do to help children cope with divorce:

• Keep normal and consistent routines.
• Provide reassurance with your presence, physical affection and loving words.
• Keep children's favorite toys, blankets, or stuffed animals close at hand.
• Spend more time with children when preparing to separate, such as arriving 10 minutes earlier than usual when you take your child to day care. Give your child enough time to say good-bye to you.
• Some parenting issues require communication and coordination between both parents. Discussing major changes related to child issues with each other can help make the divorce transition easier for infants and toddlers.
• Parents need to set reasonable limits and enforce them in a consistent and loving way.
• Talk with other important adults and caregivers about how to support your child during this transition.
• Gradually introduce older infants to new adult friends.

It is also important to establish new rituals. Especially if a new adult becomes a regular part of family life, starting new rituals including a new partner can help build a strong stepfamily. 

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		University of Missouri Extension Jackson County Jacksonblsp@missouri.edu Updated 12/13/06