Jackson
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Nina Chen, Ph.D.
Human Development Specialist
Building a healthy marriage takes time, effort, patience and energy. Forgiveness is one of the most important keys to a strong marriage. The process of forgiveness helps people release pain and anger while feeling stronger and less vulnerable to others. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what the other person did to you or that you agree with his or her behavior. But forgiveness can break the cycle of hate and resentment and provide opportunities for peace of mind to help you move forward.
Several studies have linked the ability to forgive with lower blood pressure, improved health and increased life satisfaction. These people demonstrate less anger and depression than those who do not forgive.
Forgiveness is not easy for everyone, but if you want to have a lasting marriage, it is critical to learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness when you offend your spouse. The act of forgiving will free you and your spouse and allow your relationship to heal and grow. Forgiveness is making the choice to let go of pain and resentment. However, forgiveness does not mean you should tolerate outrageous behavior or deny responsibility for behavior. If the behavior involves continuous abuse in a marriage relationship, the person needs to seek counseling and may need to leave the relationship.
Some problems in a marriage cannot be resolved, such as a personality quirk that is not going to change. Humor can help in these cases; you may have to just laugh and let the issue go. But some problems need to be discussed when you and your spouse feel peaceful to work on issues. Here are some discussion tips:
· Talk about one issue at a time;
· Be open and patient with each other;
· Show respect to your partner;
· Accept an apology and commitment to change from the offender; and,
· If you are the offender, ask for forgiveness and make a commitment to positive change.
Forgiveness is a decision that takes time and effort. Practicing forgiveness can be the foundation of a strong and happy marriage. Spouses who can ask for and accept forgiveness are better equipped to battle marital obstacles and to achieve peace and happiness in their relationship.
If you would like to learn more about couple communication skills or strengthening relationships, University of Missouri Extension offers classes and workshops on pre-marital and marriage education at the Extension Center, 1501 NW Jefferson St., Blue Springs, MO. Call 816-252-5051 for the current class schedule.
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University of Missouri Extension Jackson County Jacksonblsp@missouri.edu Updated 12/13/06 |
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