Tips on Dealing with Divorce Anger

 Nina Chen, Ph.D.

Human Development Specialist

 ·        Identify your anger triggers and ask yourself what makes you angry, why you feel this way, and how you can respond   

       differently.

·        Stop and think before you respond or act.

·        Stay calm and explore ways to solve problems.

·        Keep your children out of conflicts and avoid putting your children in the middle.

·        Discuss one issue at a time and let the small issues go.

·        Avoid taking your ex-spouse's statements personally. Listen to your ex-spouse's point of view with an open mind. Respect your ex-spouse's right to have a different opinion. Treat your ex-spouse as a business partner.

·        Explain how you feel without blaming your ex-spouse.

·        Praise more than criticize.

·        Forgive, let go, and move on.

 If you are extremely angry . . .

 ·        Take a deep breath, count to 10.

·         Splash water on your face, or take a walk.

·        Shout it out when you are the only one who can hear it.

·        Take a time out from the place of tension until you cool off. (If you are watching your children, make sure they are safe).

·        Write in a journal or on a sheet of paper to express your feelings.

·        Talk with someone who you trust.

Question and Answer

Q. How can I help myself go through divorce?

A.  Divorce is a big loss and can be painful to go through.  You need to take time to think about your future, goals, resources, and how you can take control of your life.  Doing regular exercises, having enough sleep, eating healthy, talking with trusted friends or family members, joining a support group, scheduling fun time with your children, exploring things you enjoy doing, and forgiving yourself or your ex-spouse can help you rebuild your confidence, hope, and self-esteem and move forward to your future.