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DEALING WITH DIVORCE

By Nina Chen
Human Development Specialist

It is always hard to deal with divorce. Everyone in the family is hurt. Feelings of anger, sadness, depression, helplessness, loneliness, and guilt are common for separating or divorcing people.

Divorce is another type of loss and a difficult transition. It always takes time for people to adjust or heal. In particular during the first year after divorce, people usually have a tough time to re-establish their social circle or lifestyle as a single again. They may feel hopelessness and want to withdraw from their friends. They may feel shame and try to be alone and avoid people’s criticism or judgment. Some of them may feel abandoned or blame self or someone for causing the divorce.

Going through a divorce mixes a lot of emotional pains, feelings, and losing directions and hopes. It is just like a nightmare. However, life goes on, and you have to find ways to re-establish your confidence and hope for challenging the future.

What can you do when you divorce? It always takes a while for you to calm down after a divorce and think about what you are going to do. Try to find if there is a support group for divorced people to get together such as “Parents without Partners.” It is important for you to have someone who has a similar situation for sharing and support.

If there is no such group, talk to someone you trust or you feel comfortable to share your feelings with. You may talk to your close friends, family members, or your church pastor or counselor or find professional help such as a marriage counselor or therapist. Expressing your feelings is very important in the process to heal the painful experience.

Plan your future. You may want to return to work or school. Having something to do or a plan in mind is vital for you to keep going. A Chinese saying “Where there is a will there is a way.” Another saying “Success grows out of struggles to overcome difficulties.” As long as you set your goal and try your best to overcome difficulties, you will be in a better position to succeed.

You may struggle in financial issues or making decisions about what to do. List pros and cons in terms of your needs and priorities which can help you decide which should go first. Finding resources and support from others is helpful to set your plan and eliminate some barriers.

It is common for divorced people to ignore their health, such as over eating, lack of appetite, or sleep disorders. Keeping a healthy diet, having enough rest, and exercise are needed to be in your plan.

Spend time with others and keep your life more pleasant. For instance, you may want to be around your friends who have a good sense of humor which may help you develop a sense of humor and look at your life in a positive way.

The above are some suggestions, however, everyone has different ways to deal with divorce. You are the one who knows which best fits your needs. Be confident to tell yourself that you will be able to overcome this difficult time and live better.