Jackson County

Nina Chen, Ph.D.
Human Development Specialist

When people get married, they also enter a whole family that includes parents-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, and extended family members related to their spouse.  Although a marriage does not mean that you marry the whole family, your marital relationship may be affected by how you get along with your spouse's family.  In-law relationships are one of the causes for marital conflicts according to research. The conflicts usually happen and trigger conflict in the first years of marriage.  Here are some tips for strengthening in-law relationships:

·        Avoid comparison between your spouse's family and your own family.

·        Avoid asking for support from your own parents when you have conflict with your spouse.

·        Avoid involving your in-laws or parents when a conflict arises in your own home.

·        Respect your in-laws and look for their strengths.

·        Avoid contests between your in-laws and your own family for your attention and affection. 

·        Treat both families fairly.

·        Show your appreciation as you do to your own parents.

·        Share feelings and discuss issues with your spouse and avoid negative attitudes toward in-laws.

·        Respect your in-laws' right to how they would use their time, energy, and possessions.

·        Work with your spouse to share the responsibility of maintaining contacts with both sides of the family.

·        Help parents-in-law feel appreciated and important.

·        Don't take advantage of in-law's financial and other types of assistance.

·        Work with your spouse to establish as much independence from both families as possible.

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		University of Missouri Extension Jackson County Jacksonblsp@missouri.edu Updated 12/13/06