Jackson County

Helping Stepfamilies Manage Stress

Nina Chen, Ph.D., Human Development Specialist

Members in a stepfamily can be stressful because they need to deal with the tension involved in differences from the first household. Stepfamilies are different kinds of families. Stepfamilies have some issues to face, for instance, stepfamilies have been created by loss with death or divorce of a parent, biological parent-child bond predates the remarried couple relationship, family roles and rules are unclear, and stepparents and stepchildren lack of a legal relationship. These issues can cause numerous stresses individually as well as a whole.

If open communication patterns are not maintained, conflicts are likely to happen. The stepfamily dynamic can be challenging and stressful. The following guidelines for stepfamilies to manage stresses are adapted from Emily and John Visher, well-known stepfamily researchers and authors:

• When starting a stepfamily, minimize the negative feelings of "territory" and "personal space." · A strong marriage relationship is crucial to build a strong stepfamily. · Preserving original relationships is important and can help children in sharing a parent.
  
  
• When stepfamily relationships develop comfortably, caring between step-relatives can be developed. · Acceptance of the reality that a stepfamily is a different type of family can help reduce the feelings of insecurity and loss.
  
  
• When both children and adults accept the fact that children can care for more than two parental adults, the new step-relationship will improve and the children's loyalty conflicts will diminish. · Positive co-parenting with ex-spouses can help keep children from being caught in the middle and help them accept and use positive elements in their living arrangements.
  
  
• Stepfamilies must work out and develop new family patterns and traditions. · Stepparents must carve out a role for themselves that is different from and does not compete with the biological parents.
  
  
• The married couple should support each other's authority in the household. · Teens could withdraw from both biological parents and not wish to participate in the family activities, although they have more of a previous "family history" and appreciate having the opportunity to be part of stepfamily negotiations.
  
  
• Help children feel a sense of belonging by giving them a place of their own and being included in stepfamily chores and decision making. · Acceptance of negative and positive feelings involved in a stepfamily can result in less disappointment and more stepfamily enjoyment.
  
  
• Since time and maturity can bring many changes, keeping even minimal contact between children and adults can help lead to future satisfaction.

Reference: Lingren, H. (August 1989) People in Families, Nebraska Cooperative Extension Service.

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		University of Missouri Extension Jackson County Jacksonblsp@missouri.edu Updated 12/13/06