Jackson
County
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Nina Chen, Ph.D.
Human Development Specialist
Forgiveness is a process
to help people release their pain and anger and feel stronger and less
vulnerable to others. Forgiveness is not forgetting or meaning you agree
with what the other person did to you. Forgiveness can break the cycle of
hate and resentment and provide opportunities to bring peace of mind and
help move forward.
Several studies have shown
the benefits of forgiveness. For
instance, forgiveness is linked to lower blood pressure, improved health,
more life satisfaction, and less associated with anger and depression than
people who have not forgiven. The
power of forgiveness also affects marriage and relationships.
A healthy marriage takes
time, effort, patience, and energy to build.
Forgiveness is one of the important keys to have a healthy
marriage. This is not an easy
part for everyone, but if you want to have your marriage last forever, it
is critical to learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness when you have
offended your spouse. Forgiveness not only can free yourself and your
spouse, but also allow the relationship to heal and grow.
Forgiveness is a choice to
let resentment and pain go. However, forgiveness does not mean you should
tolerate an outrageous behavior or deny responsibility for behavior.
If the behavior involves continuous abuse in a marriage
relationship, the person needs to seek counseling and may need to leave
the relationship.
Some problems may not be
solved because we see the situation in a different way. For instance, with
physical appearance or personality quirks that are not going to change,
you may have to use humor to laugh about it and let it go. Some problems
need to be discussed when you and your spouse feel peaceful to work on
issues. Here are some tips:
· Discuss one issue at a time.
· Be open and patient.
· Show respect to your partner.
· Accept apologies and commitment to change from the offender.
· Ask for forgiveness when you are the offender and commit to make positive changes.
To forgive takes a decision, time, and effort. Practicing forgiveness in your marriage is a foundation of a strong and happy marriage. Couples who can ask for or accept forgiveness have better chances to battle bad things in marriage and achieve peace and happiness in their marital relationship.
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University of Missouri Extension Jackson County Jacksonblsp@missouri.edu Updated 12/13/06 |
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