By Nina Chen Ph.D.
Human Development Specialist
e-mail: chenn@missouri.edu

Caring and appreciation are two of the most important strengths for healthy families to keep functioning well.  Healthy families have conflict sometimes, however, they are able to experience conflict without fighting or destroying each other.  Healthy families often show affection, appreciation, praise, and encouragement in their family lives.  Their caring, support, and affection are unconditional and independent of the success.

Healthy family members have the habit of noticing and sharing positive aspects of each other.  They pay attention to other family members’ polite behavior or nice things they did, skills, and special qualities which make them unique.  Give short love notes about one of these things, and put the note under the person’s pillow, or in a briefcase, or purse.  You may write a note like “Mom, you made a super dinner! Love, Tom.”

Compliment good behavior and thank family members for their efforts.   Healthy family members recognize the individual accomplishments of each member.  Simple statements such as “thank you for helping me, you did a nice job,” can convey appreciation for each member’s effort. This recognition can help set up a pleasant environment in which mutual respect can grow.  Many family fights are caused by disrespect and lack of appreciation among family members.

 Physical expressions are also important ways to show affection, love, caring, and appreciation.  A hug, a quick pat, a kiss, a handclasp, or an arm around the shoulder means a lot.

 Remember, each family is made up of a variety of personalities, each playing an important part in their family lives.  It is important for family members to develop a strong positive attitude about themselves, and about each member of the family.  Being accepted by others helps develop a  person’s self-concept and generates feelings of being important, loved and appreciated.