Jackson
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Building a Strong Marriage Relationship
Nina Chen, Ph.D., Human Development Specialist
Focus on positive. It is critical to always look for the best in your partner and avoid criticism, withdrawal, defensiveness and contempt. Positive attitudes can help build a good couple relationship. Several studies indicate that a negative attitude is a barrier to build a happy marriage.
Resolve conflict. Every couple faces conflicts. The key is to solve conflicts in an effective way. When both you and your partner are in conflict, try to step back and shift the way you both approach the issue, and focus on how it will influence that relationship first, even if you will be disappointed at that particular moment.
Respect difference. The difference between you and your partner will maintain the passion in your marriage. It's a challenge for every couple to respond to each other in new ways. However, the more prepared you both are for adjustments, the smoother the ride will be.
Set relationship goals. Find time for you and your partner to talk about relationship goals for the coming year. For instance, turn off TV to spend time with each other, being kinder to each other and being a more attentive lover, etc. Also celebrate your achievements when you reach your goal.
Emphasize equity not equality. In your relationship, equity is more important than equality. Equity can promote all-around fairness and prevent scorekeeping.
Keep your marriage issues between you and your partner. When you have marriage issues, share with your partner your deepest feelings, thoughts, etc. This dialogue should be kept inside of the marriage. When you and your partner resolve an issue in privacy, there is a great amount of pride in the relationship.
Surround with happy couples. You can benefit by hanging around with happy couples who support the institution of marriage and believe in you as a couple. They are good role models and a good example of how you and your partner should treat each other.
Show you care. Happy couples show their love regularly and with a variety of acts of kindness everyday. For instance, do you smile at your partner? Do you offer your partner a drink when you pour yourself a cup? Do you cook for your partner when you know that he or she had a long day? A little gesture means a lot and will nourish your relationship.
Be passionate. Research shows that couples who sacrificed for each other's kicks in life showed the better relationships. Therefore, accepting what your partner is passionate about in life can help enrich the relationship. It's also vital to encourage your partner to keep up those favorite pastimes and for you to try and share in that interest.
Know what your partner wants in life. Knowing what your partner wants in life is a key to a successful relationship. Don't just focus on your own ideas about what you like. Take the time to explore some little things that will make your partner happy and feel loved and appreciated. Let your partner know that you understand what they desire.
(Reference: The Love Recipe, Summer 2003 Elegant Bridge as told by Dr. Pat Love to Kimberly Stevens.)
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University of Missouri Extension Jackson County Jacksonblsp@missouri.edu Updated 12/13/06 |
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