More human relations questions and answers

Human relations

Noncustodial parent visitation rights

There are so many free resources for the custodial parent to handle child support cases, without the expense of an attorney or repeated courthouse visits. What is available for the noncustodial parents regarding visitation to meet the emotional welfare of the child?

If the custodial parent refuses to comply with the court order, the best thing for the noncustodial parent to do is to consult with his/her attorney about the options. The noncustodial parent can file a family access motion. This is the relevant section of the Missouri Revised Statutes:

3. The court shall mandate compliance with its order by all parties to the action, including parents, children and third parties. In the event of noncompliance, the aggrieved person may file a verified motion for contempt. If custody, visitation or third-party custody is denied or interfered with by a parent or third party without good cause, the aggrieved person may file a family access motion with the court stating the specific facts which constitute a violation of the judgment of dissolution or legal separation. The state courts administrator shall develop a simple form for pro se motions to the aggrieved person, which shall be provided to the person by the circuit clerk. Clerks, under the supervision of a circuit clerk, shall explain to aggrieved parties the procedures for filing the form. Notice of the fact that clerks will provide such assistance shall be conspicuously posted in the clerk's offices. The location of the office where the family access motion may be filed shall be conspicuously posted in the court building. The performance of duties described in this section shall not constitute the practice of law as defined in section 484.010, RSMo. Such form for pro se motions shall not require the assistance of legal counsel to prepare and file. The cost of filing the motion shall be the standard court costs otherwise due for instituting a civil action in the circuit court.

Also, see statutes C400-499/4520000400for additional information.

If you need help finding an attorney

Kim Leon
Assistant Professor and State Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies

Children fondling and kissing

What does it mean when a five-year-old boy engages in fondling and kissing with a three-and-a-half year-old boy? The two boys are friends and not related. The younger boy was also once found naked under the sheets with another little boy his age.

Without knowing all of the details, the fondling and kissing incidents are probably merely children exploring their bodies and mimicking behavior that they have witnessed among family members, or possibly through media. These behaviors are a healthy part of growing up. It is also an opportune time however, to teach children about their private parts and respect for others and their private parts. Unless the behavior intensifies or becomes alarming, I wouldn't worry too much. Obviously, if there is ever any concern that the child is being abused by someone else, this should be investigated further.

Kim Webb
Center for Adolescent Sexuality, Pregnancy and Parenting

Wills and divorce papers

How can I get a copies of old divorce records and wills in Missouri?

Public records are the responsibility of the recorder of deeds in each county of Missouri. Contact and other information about counties is available on the National Association of Counties Web site, from local telephone listings or from directory assistance.

Genealogical information also is available through the Missouri State Historical Society, which provides research services as well as a list of local genealogical and historical societies.

Eileen Yager
Extension Communications Officer

Missouri marriage certificate

How can I get a copy of my parents' Missouri marriage certificate?

According to the Missouri secretary of state's office, marriage records are kept by the county that issued the license. Contact and other information about counties is available on the National Association of Counties Web site, from local telephone listings or from directory assistance.

Eileen Yager
Extension Communications Officer

I have an 8-month-old daughter. Her father and I are getting divorced.

Since her birth, he has not been a consistent person in her life. Sometimes he would see her a little each day, but other times he would go four or more days without seeing her at all.

Over the last two months he has been around very little. He has taken her out on a few occasions for a couple of hours with his other daughters (age 11 and 13) and stayed home with her one evening when I had a commitment.

Court has set his visitations for Wednesdays and Thursdays from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m., Saturdays and every other Sunday from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m. This is hard but I accepted it.

Now, they have okayed him to take her to his beach house for a five-day, four-night vacation with his daughters and two aunts.

I have never been away from her over night and am concerned about how being out of her normal routine and away from me is going to affect her.

How can I prepare her for this separation?

It's hard to know how the separation might affect her without knowing the individual child. I can give you some information based on what research tells us about most children, but it's important to keep in mind that every child is different. At 8 months, separation anxiety and stranger anxiety are common. Infants at that age are often distressed by separations, even every day separations like going to childcare, and may seem fearful of strangers, so it would not be surprising if your daughter experienced some distress about the separation. However, separation anxiety and stranger anxiety are usually temporary. For example, when infants get upset about being left at childcare, they usually settle down within a few minutes. Also, if infants have a secure bond with at least one parent, a temporary separation is not likely to be excessively distressing for them, or to have long-term negative effects.I don't think there is much you can do to prepare your daughter ahead of time because an 8-month-old infant has little understanding of the future. They are very much in the present. There are a few things you and her father can do to make the separation and travel easier on her:

Try to keep her routine as similar as possible to what it is like at home. Infants and young children thrive on routine. Consistent routines help them feel more secure and comfortable.
Try to bring along anything that she might find comforting--favorite blanket or stuffed animal, pacifier, etc.
Recognize that she may be fussier than usual during this trip and may need more attention. Respond quickly and consistently when she cries by picking her up, holding her, rubbing her back, or whatever she finds soothing.

I would also commend you for being cooperative with the new visitation schedule and being willing to compromise in order to support your daughter's relationship with her father. Children really benefit when their parents are able to cooperate and support their ongoing relationships with both parents.

Kim Leon
Assistant Professor and State Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies

More human relations questions and answers

Updated 5/19/08