Relationships in Later
Life
Beverly Pheiffer, pheifferb@missouri.edu
Growing
older can involve critical changes in the way we view ourselves and how others
view us. For instance, physical
changes and limitations, retirement, loss of a loved one, relationships with
family and friends. Some changes
are dramatic; others are gradual. The
quality of growing older can be based on people’s attitudes toward old age,
self-concept, adjustment and adaptability in later life, and satisfaction and
interaction with family and friends. Some
studies reveal the importance of close relationships with family and friends
in successful aging. They found
that the reciprocal exchange of support shows positive impacts on physical and
mental well being in older people (Row & Kahn, 1998).
Sibling
relationships play an important role in providing a good source of social and
psychological support in older people’s lives.
The relationship is usually closer than when younger.
They keep in touch by telephoning, writing, getting together for
special occasions and visits. They support each other and share common values and memories.
Their sharing also validates perceptions of self and maintains
closeness. Widowed, childless
older people have closer relationships and contacts with their siblings than
do older married people who have children.
(Scott, 1983).
Regarding
marital relationships, although some studies report a decline in marital
satisfaction for some older couples, many studies show that older couples have
high levels of marital satisfaction, a sense of survivorship and pride in the
length of marriage (Dickson, 1995; Johnson, 1985). The biggest challenges for older people are learning to live
together after retirement and the chance of losing a loved one and their own
mortality. Mutual respect,
support, life plan, adaptability, flexibility, and change are ingredients to
have a happy marriage in later life. No
doubt, the spouse is an important source of social support, affections,
reassurance of worth, and intimacy.
Friendship
also is an important component to have a happy and productive later life.
Studies show that emotional support, resources and help from outside is
one of the factors to help counteract stress and difficulties.
Friendship not only gives older people time to share, support, connect,
and keep each other company, but also helps older people remain active and
emotionally secure (Chen, 1999; 1998). Support
and help from or to others includes tangible material support, psychological
support, information support, and referral.
These supports help people have a sense of worth and connectedness.
The
MacArthur study (Rowe & Kahn, 1998) also found that giving emotional
support or other support is more important than receiving support, because the
process of giving can help reduce the pain of emotional losses.
Overall, older people who have social interactions and contacts and
frequently participate in social relationships have better health and can
promote successful aging.
Many
studies indicate that good communication is a key to having successful
relationships. Couples who have
good communication report high marital satisfaction.
They value easy-going, pleasant conversations about everyday events.
They appreciate and value each other.
They make daily updates a ritual.
They also take the time to figure out mysteries before they become
resentments or false assumptions.
In
addition, people with effective communication skills know how to avoid
conflict and solve problems to make relationships work in difficult times.
They are likely to have positive interactions with relatives, friends
and other people.
Relationships
in later life can be challenging for some people. They experience more losses and changes than younger people.
Positive attitudes, mutual support, and good communication skills are
very important to building strong relationships
with your spouse,
relatives and friends.
Source: “Relationships in Later Life,” (Successful
Aging program) by Nina Chen, University Outreach & Extension.
October
2001