August 2000 August 2000
Fathers Do Not Mother
Throughout the 19th century, as the Industrial Revolution expanded and the workplace moved outside the home, fathers have been marginalized as parents. This also affected research. Much of the parenting research was research on mother-child and men’s involvement was interpreted through the eyes of mothers. In the mid to late 1980s fathering-- in the context of father presence, not father absence—gained research momentum. We are learning a lot more about fathers and their relationships with their children.
Art Schneider, schneidera@missouri.eduStudies show:
1. No differences between males and females in feeling attached and close to children. Both sexes are similarly disposed to nurture children under ordinary circumstances.2. The desire to stay emotionally connected to children throughout life is the same for men and women.
3. Fathers and mothers are equally able to interpret child’s behavioral cues (hunger, fatigue, distress) and respond appropriately and there are no gender differences in heart rate, respiratory rate, or skin temperature in their response to an infant in distress.
Some of the most interesting research is on how fathers and mothers differ and how even very young infants take note, perhaps Mother Nature’s way of preparing children to be more adaptable.
At 6 weeks infants distinguish the father’s voice from the mother’s voice. While a quiet and alert infant attends more quickly to mother’s voice, an upset or fretting infant calms more readily to father’s voice.
At 8 weeks infants anticipate differences between father and mother handling skills. When mother approaches, infants slow heart and respiratory rates, relax shoulders and lower eyelids. When father approaches, heart and respiratory rates quicken, shoulders hunch, eyes widen and brighten.
At 1 year, infants are less likely to protest separation from mother or father if they have an involved father.
Mothers usually lift an infant to provide care, are more rhythmic and lift the same way each time: bend, speak softly and repeat the pattern. Fathers are less predictable, lift an infant to do something (make things happen), vary their patterns and are more playful. Fathers’ play also is qualitatively different, using fewer toys, relying less on traditional games and themes and more on activation and exploring. Bathing, diapering, dressing and brushing teeth are more intensely physical and playful by dad.
Infants 7 to 13 months respond more positively to dad lifting them than to mom. (Mom is doing maintenance whereas dad picks up at request of child or because dad wants to play).
Fathers carrying children tend to hold them face forward. One common carrying method (the football position) is with the child’s butt in the father’s upturned palm, the body tucked between dad’s biceps and chest. This gives the child the same view of world as the father. Mothers hold the child facing inward or over the shoulders. (Interestingly, 80% of both moms and dads hold the child on the left (heart) side.
When a child is struggling, mom and dad respond differently. Mothers try to help. Fathers hang back a little and encourage the child verbally or physically to bear the frustration and stick with the task. When a child learns to ride a two-wheeler, dads are more likely to put a child back on the bike after a failed attempt.
Mothers slow and simplify speech for preschoolers. Fathers use bigger words, longer sentences.
Children are more compliant with the same gender parent. This reinforces over the years. When a child’s behavior is undesirable, mothers tend to emphasize the social and relational costs, to mention shame or disappointment in being personally let down. Fathers emphasize the societal consequences: "You won’t make friends being selfish with toys." "Don’t ask for help if you’re not willing to do your share." "You’ll never find a job if you act like that."
Infants 7 to 13 months respond more positively to dad lifting them than to mom. (Mom is doing maintenance whereas dad picks up at request of child or because dad wants to play).
Fathers carrying children tend to hold them face forward. One common carrying method (the football position) is with the child’s butt in the father’s upturned palm, the body tucked between dad’s biceps and chest. This gives the child the same view of world as the father. Mothers hold the child facing inward or over the shoulders. (Interestingly, 80% of both moms and dads hold the child on the left (heart) side.
When a child is struggling, mom and dad respond differently. Mothers try to help. Fathers hang back a little and encourage the child verbally or physically to bear the frustration and stick with the task. When a child learns to ride a two-wheeler, dads are more likely to put a child back on the bike after a failed attempt.
Mothers slow and simplify speech for preschoolers. Fathers use bigger words, longer sentences.
Children are more compliant with the same gender parent. This reinforces over the years. When a child’s behavior is undesirable, mothers tend to emphasize the social and relational costs, to mention shame or disappointment in being personally let down. Fathers emphasize the societal consequences: "You won’t make friends being selfish with toys." "Don’t ask for help if you’re not willing to do your share." "You’ll never find a job if you act like that."
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