Building Strong Families--Communicating


Developed by Mary Gosche, Human Development Specialist, University of Missouri Extension

Relationship to building strong families
Communication, the act of transmitting and receiving information, is a vital component of all interactions of family members. Communication is an important part of a satisfying parent-child relationship. In a systems approach to family communication, the parent-child interaction affects all family relationships: the relationship between the parents, the relationships among children, and the relationships among parents and children. Family processes and patterns influence and are influenced by parent-child interaction. Effective communication is a basic building block for strong families.

Brief program description
For working parents with children living in the home, communication is a very important part of daily life. This module focuses on understanding the importance of communication in strengthening families; communication is a two-way process involving verbal and nonverbal messages; positive communication is effective and supportive to family members; negative and critical messages convey feelings of unworthiness and build anger and resentment in children; reflective listening is an important facet of communication.

Through various hands-on activities, participants will be introduced to different communication models and learn to communicate with one another more effectively. Families will learn communication techniques by watching a video. They will have an opportunity to reinforce verbal, nonverbal and reflective listening skills through group role play situations.

Research findings
To achieve understanding in communication, a person must listen, decode the message, and give feedback in order to ensure the receiver understood the message in the same context in which it was sent. Communication is a vital part of our lives. Family processes and patterns influence and are influenced by parent-child interaction. Communication includes speaking, writing, reading, listening, comprehending, and evaluating. However we define it, positive communication strengthens family relationships.

Research suggests that the best parent-child relationships are characterized by a lot of positive communication and interaction. In such relationships, communication happens on a regular basis, not just when there is a conflict. Researchers believe that when adults and children stay in touch through attention and conversation, children may be less likely to "act out" or behave in ways that cause conflict or require discipline.

When parents use a strong conversational style of communicating, there tends to be less difference between children's expectations for the parent-child relationship and what they actually experience (Ritchie & Fitzpatrick, 1990).

Understanding how children of different ages communicate and what they like to talk about helps parents have rewarding interactions with them and relate appropriately, given the age and interest of the child.

Adults who take the time to really listen and learn about each other discover ways to more effectively communicate. Communicating regularly with other adults in our lives contributes to satisfying relationships, just as regular communication with children creates a satisfying parent-child relationship.

It is important to remember that everyone is shaped by a number of influences: ethnicity, religion, class, race, age, profession, geographical regions they have lived in, and many other group influences. When we mingle those influences with individual personality traits, we can see that every person is "utterly unlike anyone else..." (Tannen, 1990). The best communication happens as we discover, respect, and respond to the individual uniqueness of the person with whom we are communicating.

Goals and objectives

To understand and demonstrate that communication is a two-way process;
To realize that nonverbal communication is as important as verbal communication;
To learn how to change "you" messages into "I" messages;
To show how positive, supportive messages convey feelings of worthiness and prevent anger and resentment in children;
To understand and practice the process of reflective listening;
To identify steps for improving communication within the family.

Target audience
Working families with children

If you have any questions or need information contact:

Lucy Schrader
Building Strong Families Program Coordinator
University of Missouri Extension
162 Stanley Hall
Columbia, MO 65211
573-882-4071
SchraderL@missouri.edu